coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
