im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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