dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
not ubering you a puppy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
