I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
