smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
