Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
