im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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