i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
