oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
