Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
