i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
