What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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