I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
