Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
