Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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