Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
