so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
