You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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