and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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