i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she smelled like a LAN party
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
