ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
