Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
