Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
