You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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