If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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