I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
