were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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