I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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