first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
