she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
