On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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