I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
