i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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