I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
