Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
