What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
