if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
