Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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