xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
