just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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