my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is wine microwaveable?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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