honey bunches of taint.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize