thus making me awesome and them whores
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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