First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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