are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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