we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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