Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize