Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
