She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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