**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
