I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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