i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
