I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize