I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
