I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
