I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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