I wannas sexs uuuuu
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
