My room smells like vodka and shame
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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