my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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