How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's always time for handjobs
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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