I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
