he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
