is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
