FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
