I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
50% drunk capacity currently
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
