i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
