it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
