then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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