Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
