every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
