Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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