I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
