Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize