thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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