I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
