Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
