I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
