I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
