i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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