Im at strip club and am horny
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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