Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
