how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we're so committed to being not committed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
