If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize