awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
