omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
