I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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